you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
