So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
