I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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