I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
