Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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