new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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