Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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