whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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