I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
