piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
