I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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