i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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