i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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