The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
