remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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