Will you blow on my dice?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
