i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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