so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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