I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
