It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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