it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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