i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
