none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
