my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
