a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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