Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the day after is always just damage control
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
