You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
