respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
