so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
