Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
