hotel room ftw
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
