i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you never un-have a 4some
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
