Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he shaved USA in his pubs
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
