You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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