I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
