Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
