Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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