bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
