her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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