on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
