He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
