You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
