I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Drake has all the answers
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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