so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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