I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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