Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
love makes seman taste better
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
