I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I didn't shave. On purpose
What did we do last night that was yellow?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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