I'm going to jail i love you
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
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