We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I haven't been this sober since birth.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
