THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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