after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
nutella sex= disaster
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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