New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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