Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
