I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
