Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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